alone in a crowd

have you ever been somewhere so full of intelligent, competent, sociable people,
that you feel like you have nothing to contribute?

have you ever felt alone in a sea of bodies,
wondering if friends are out there?

yeah.
me too.
it's a lonely, vulnerable place to be.

but the thing about this place full of people,
is that God provides.

He gently reminds us we are qualified to be where we have been called

He guides us to those painful memories, gently whispering that no one else can tell our story

He walks into the new, unknown, unexpected moments filling us with the peace that passes all understanding

I'm learning that when we ask,
God will give us our daily bread,
not leaving us alone in a crowd.  

flying into unknown

Right now I sit on an airplane, leaving my home and community to attend university across the country. 

The plane is bumpy, and I know my future might be also, contrary to what I’d like to believe. 

My heart aches thinking about the community I leave behind, and my family that will fly back in a few days. 

But I leave full of confidence, knowing God has called me to this school, and I rest in the truth that he controls the unknown. 

I remember my identity is not found in the things of this earth, but in Jesus Christ and his death and resurrection. 

And I pray that I would be filled with all strength, courage, and peace as I fly into the clouds, not sure what the ground looks like

A tear filled prayer

Oh Lord oh Lord 

I cry from the depths of my being, 

A full, deep, hollowing pain. 

Oh Lord how my soul hurts 

I weep. 

I weep at the sadness and depression that overtook another life. 

I weep for the pain and despair that must have been felt. 

I weep. 

Suicide took a 16 year old girl last week.

Lies prevailed. 

Shock has left its origin and began to ripple about our town. 

And we cry out,

“Oh Lord, be near in the darkness. 

Be our anchor in this wind. 

Teach us that beauty will rise from ashes. 

For you are the only comfort this world has to offer. 

You are the hope that is unseen. 

You wrote the end of the story. 

So Jesus, please be near in the wake of this incomprehensible trauma. 

Cover your world in peace. 

And write your story across our very beings.’

Amen.  

coffee, truth and safe people

this week was emotionally overwhelming for no apparent reason.
nothing bad or weird happened.
the weather was nice.

but my heart was overwhelmed.
I was wanting one answer to the 17-open tabs in my head.
I was spinning through the same circle of confusion, guilt, and sadness.

So I texted a friend.
A dear, sweet, funny, real mentor.
I sat on her porch and we sipped coffee and ate avocado toast.

I don't really know what I said.
or where I started,
or if the words even fit together.

Yet she listened.
She let time pass before responding.
And she spoke truth.

She proved herself to be safe once again.


And I left not fixed,
but encouraged to seek truth in all the open tabs.
And it felt so, so good to share whatever silly story I told.


So now I sit here thinking about you.
I worry that you don't have safe people to share coffee and tears.
I remember we are not meant to process life alone.

So I encourage you:
find a person or two.
A dear, sweet, funny mentor.
Sip coffee and tell the stories of your heart.
And understand the truth: WE ARE NOT MEANT TO PROCESS LIFE ALONE

the next right step

I was confused,
scared,
and stressed.

And I remember someone gave me some really wise advice when I was in the throws of college applications/ auditions.

" Elissa, God doesn't call us to be obedient 5 steps ahead. He asks us to be obedient in the step directly ahead of us. 

So don't worry about 6-months out- worry about the step directly ahead of you." 

I cannot tell you how much comfort this gave me, as so often I find myself wondering if I'm doing the right thing.

I wonder how all these dreams are going to work out.
I wonder if it's my own selfish desire to pursue dance, or if it really is a God given passion.
I wonder if I'm making a big mistake.

But those questions, those worries?
I think the answers will come quite a few steps down the road.

So I have to consciously choose not to get caught up in the mind-trap of worry.
I have to remind myself to be prayerful in the next step, knowing that God goes ahead. 


And I encourage you to do the same.
pray about your dreams!
pray about your fears!
and seek to be obedient in the choice directly ahead. 

well hello!

hi!

I'm Elissa, and I'm so glad you decided to check out my little place on the internet! 

A few things about me:

 I have 3 siblings; one older sister (second from right), one little sis and our baby brother.

 They're pretty cool. 

Except when they take my stuff. 

I really like to dance- tap, jazz, ballet, modern + musical theatre. 

In fact, I'm about to move across the country to chase this beautiful, crazy, God-given dream of dancing professionally.

I like hot coffee and carbs. 

My heart seeks authentic community. 

Jesus is my identity. 

And I'm really, really glad you're here.

please take a moment to tell me a little bit about yourself in the comments below! 

still summer nights

The bed is warm and the air in my room is thick.
The lotion I just slathered on tries to keep me cool, but I fight the heat as I crawl atop my bed.
The day comes to a close.

No more words to be said aloud.
No more makeup or hairdos or bras.
No more.

Just silence.
Just faint noises of a road.
Just me and the man upstairs.

I pull out my journal and devotional, ready to pray.
I look forward to this time of writing in illegible handwriting with the occasional explicit.
I like the honesty.

Today was rather shallow on my part.
Today contained dance, work and the gym.
Today felt insignificant.

But as I lay in this hot, dark room,
I can't help but realize that every day contains wonder.
Every day contains chances to grow.
And no matter what, as we crawl into our humid sheets, he loves us the same.

Today and tomorrow.
Forever and always.