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I see you growing


I'm proud of you
for the way you keep fighting.

the way you ask questions
searching for truth.

and when you don't like the answers,
you keep fighting anyway.

and I want you to know,
it's okay if your fight feels frustrating
and repetitive
and pointless
and disheartening.

because I see you growing.

I see you trying to breathe,
trying to find Jesus,
and trying to make sense of the senseless.

I see you waking up
and showing up,
even when you want to run.

And I'm proud.
I'm proud of the way you're fighting to grow.

I choose.


I feel my way through life.

Feel feel feel. 

And lately, it has felt like there are a lot of feelings in which I have no control over. 

But I'm choosing to keep feeling. 

I'm sad about a friend.

But I choose to feel happy about today's snow. 

I'm overwhelmed by my school work.

But I choose to be thankful for my short trip home over Thanksgiving break. 

I'm fighting a cold.

But I choose to feel proud about my growth as a dancer this semester. 

I choose to feel. 
I choose.
I choose. 

I choose to feel every positive emotion I possibly can, because in a world of hard emotions, it's hard to choose not too. 

dark colors



why must the dark colors get used.

why do we see him show up in the aftermath, but not the event.

if is God one-hundred percent good.

and black breaks his heart as much as it breaks ours.

why does God insist on using dark colors


the thing about grief...



greif cannot be scheduled.
it cares not about location 
time
convenience.

it isn't pretty
quiet
or peaceful

greif is waves
raindrops
oceans

it's long showers
piles of blankets
and not enough oxygen

greif.
doesn't.
stop.
hurting.




homesick


hey friends.

Thanks for so patiently waiting through my unexpected month-long blogging break.

As many of you know, in August I moved across the country to attend university. It's been a big change, and has (and will continue) to stretch me in ways I could never imagine. Things are going well, and I'm so so thankful to be here! Yet as these past months have been full of transition, I've found it hard to muster up enough courage to be vulnerable on the internet.

BUT.

God is so good! He is filling my heart and mind with so many things, and I still believe that being honest in the good AND bad is where authentic relationships and community live.

thussss, I'm here to tell you something.

I'm homesick.

The anniversary of my sweet friend's death was last week.
My sister's birthday was Sunday.
I got a concussion two days ago and I feel terrible.
I want nothing more then to go home and let people take care of me.

I miss the trees, the ocean, the coffee, my dog, and a whole town full of houses belonging to people I love.

My heart and my head hurt.

I want to be home like everyone else during this fall-break weekend, instead of sleeping in a empty dorm.

But God shows up each morning.

He's in the physical things that remind me I am loved.

He's in caring professors that believe in me.

He's in warm cups of coffee.

He's in the dance studio at 11pm.

He's in tearful conversations with new friends.

He's in the people that love like Jesus- full of compassion, grace, and empathy.

He doesn't. Stop. Showing. Up.


So my prayer for you is that in the midst of whatever homesickness you face- homesick for a place, a relationship, or our eternal home- that you will find Jesus throughout your day.


tomorrow needs you


hi there friend.

it's been rough going for a while now.
you've been fighting away the darkness.
you're trying to swim to the top.

but you're tired.

you're sick of feeling invisible.
you hate the empty chit-chat and busy work that fills your days.
you feel like there is no end in sight.


that pain you feel is real.
but so is this truth:
tomorrow needs you.

tomorrow needs you:
your eyes,
your humor,
your friendship,
your dreams,
and your ability to be a life-changer for another.

friend, I know you feel like tomorrow would be better without you.
but it won't. 

you think your family and friends are tired of dealing with you.
but they want more chances to love you. 

your mind whispers that no one will notice if you're gone-
but that, might be the biggest lie of all. 

Tomorrow, you will fill a place only you can fill.

Tomorrow, you will notice the same sad smile in another human- and only you can see that.

Tomorrow, you might feel like you're invisible, but you're not.

Tomorrow, you'll find another struggling soul to join hands with, remembering that you are not alone.

So please.
please.

give tomorrow a chance.
because tomorrow needs you.

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this week is National Suicide Prevention Week. Please take a moment to spread hope, vulnerability and encouragement; the world needs it. 
and if you're struggling, you are not alone!! 1-800-273-8255 is a safe, free and confidential resource. please give them a call! 

sweet dreams


sweet girl tucked in bed,
dreaming dreams bigger then the moon.

you play the games in your head-
constant scripts, constant timelines of this life you'll lead.

you dream and dream,
night after night these dreams saturating the innermost part of your heart.

yet the world told you no.
money told you no.
friends told you no.
your body told you no.
media told you no.
your situation told you no.


so you shove these things down, for those late nights painting in the darkness of your imagination.
they are beautiful,
incredible,
impossible
dreams.


sweet girl, find those desires you once hid.
take them out and hold them to the light.

where are they?
have they evolved?
do they still sing their song of sweetness and beauty?

feel them.
taste them.
and pray over them, without fear and doubt present.

chase those dreams my friend.
find the songs of your heart, and don't be ashamed to sing them.