hike 4

Today I took my forth hike, out of twenty.

things you should know about hike four:

I stalled until it was about to get dark /
I did this by laying in my bed, thinking about what an unmotivated person I am, and how I'm never going to take twenty hikes /
At the beginning of my hiking conquest I decided a walk by my house down by the water would count because:
     a) it's nature-y
     b) I don't want to always have to drive somewhere

thoughts from hike 4:

Getting out of bed is the hardest part
Wear your ugly clothes: it literally doesn't matter
If you feel disgusting, wear a hat so no one will recognize you
Listen to music or a podcast if you don't feel like being 100% silent
There are a lot of interesting things to look at that you don't notice simply driving by
Sometimes all God requires is that we be obedient, and keep putting one foot in front of the other

looking for hope in the whirlwind

I feel very disoriented this holiday season.
I just got home after finishing my first semester of college,
which has been flooded with too many things to ever explain in 60 seconds.

I'm thankful to be home, but it's hard to be home.
School is so good, but it's also so exhausting.
My heart is full, yet completely empty.

I decided to take 20 walks/hikes while I'm home for this (almost) month, in hopes of reorienting my mind+heart.

I don't know if I need to be feeling more or less.
I know know if I need to talk or be quiet.
I don't know how I can focus on the gift of Christmas, when my prayers feel... scattered.

So I'm looking for Jesus in the confusion.
I'm looking for hope in the whirlwind.

I see you growing

I'm proud of you
for the way you keep fighting.

the way you ask questions
searching for truth.

and when you don't like the answers,
you keep fighting anyway.

and I want you to know,
it's okay if your fight feels frustrating
and repetitive
and pointless
and disheartening.

because I see you growing.

I see you trying to breathe,
trying to find Jesus,
and trying to make sense of the senseless.

I see you waking up
and showing up,
even when you want to run.

And I'm proud.
I'm proud of the way you're fighting to grow.